I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Drake has all the answers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
