he told me I talked like a deaf person
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
