Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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