How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
