I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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