Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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