As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
