The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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