6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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