I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My first STD was from a foam party
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
