We're facebook friends in real life
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
