I think i peed on brittanys purse
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
