dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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