note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
