she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize