The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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