We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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