Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
