dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
