i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
