I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
