An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
