i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
