Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
