I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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