I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
