That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
