I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
