You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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