hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
