everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
