My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
