My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
