Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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