mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
