so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
