she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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