I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
