she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
