the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
