it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
