I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who died my cat blue again?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
