if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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