One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
