I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
