Just fell off a train. Bad.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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