We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
