just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize