just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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