Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
