Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
