wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You're like the curious george of whores
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
