hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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