her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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