i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
