Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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